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Please help support esoterum by giving some love to any of our many sponsors:

Official Terra-Firma Rammer of esoterum.com 5 head rating.jpg

Unsightly mound of dirt in your yard?
Barco Rammer!
Heaps of garbage that just won't seem to go away?
Barco Rammer!
Can't bring your obnoxious neighbor's house down with a hammer?
Barco Rammer!
Rent a Barco Rammer today!

Official Beer of esoterum.com 5 head rating.jpg

Actually we sponsor Lone Star, not the other way around, but as long as there is sponsorship involved--here's a useful image from the Showdown.

Official Ergonomic Drum Transporter of esoterum.com 5 head rating.jpg

The EasyLift ES600SL-S model comes with a trained attack eagle to ensure that bitch doesn't get her work done any faster than anyone else.
Also available in blue.

Kelly Harris has done more for the esoterum than we're able to permit ouselves to describe here 5 head rating.jpg

Yes, I was wondering if I could order a clown-masseuse who, while giving me a therapeutic massage and simultaneously playing the pan-flute and accordion, will participate in a humorous yet lively and earnest discussion over the value of guava paste to the Mexican economy with a mysterious goofy voice coming from my ass. Thanks again Kelly!!!

Official Ice-cream of Esoterum: Basashi Aisu - Raw Horse Flesh Ice Cream 5 head rating.jpg

In the world of ice-cream flavor innovation, there are winners and there are losers. We are happy to associate ourselves with a real winner! When you get all raw-horse-fleshed-out, dip into a nice tub of whale, goat, charcoal, pit-viper, or salad!

Official Mascot 5 head rating.jpg

The steely stare of justice

Official Vegetables of Esoterum

If you're looking for Freshness, Gay Johnny comes through every time!

Official Tongue Spray

Having trouble finding the goofiest-ass thing you could possibly carry around to spray onto your tongue? Once you've run across Who Da Man Tongue Spray, you know your search has ended.

Official Underseat Air Freshener

Your piece of crap car smells like total ass? Maybe it just smells like horse balls... Oh So Smelly Under Seat Air Fresheners are your answer. If Oh So Smelly's Sex Musk underseat scent marvel of 21st century olfactory technology doesn't work miracles for you and your "social" life, for a refund Oh So Smelly asks that you not return it to their factory, and for God's sake don't send it to us you stanky bastard.

(NOMINEE) Official Photo-of-a-Naked-Lady-Painting of esoterum.com 3 head rating.jpg

These Guys are having the most fun out of everyone at that party.

This photo was taken from a (long-lost) website where the author finds photos at garage sales, flea markets, etc. to post on his website.
The man on the right is simultaneously looking completely shocked, flicking-off the camera man, and stirring his drink of what appears to be liquid gold on the rocks, all while looking like Judge Smails. Unmazing!

(NOMINEE) Official ENIAC of esoterum.com 4 head rating.jpg

Scientists from the RAND Corporation have created this model to illustrate how a “home computer” could look like in the year 2004. However, the needed technology will be economically feasible for the average home. Also the scientists readily admit that the computer will require not yet invented technology to actually work, but 50 years from now scientific progress is expected to solve these problems. With teletype interface and the FORTRAN language, the computer will be easy to use.

Official Rendezvous Point of esoterum.com 4 head rating.jpg

Interpretive Pavilion. I'd tell you what happens there, but you have to find the meaning for yourself. Cape Hatteras Light House, North Carolina